BARF
by Jack Stokes, et al
HISTORY
Created in a moment of boredom in the year 1968 within the bowels of the Man-System Integration Branch; Systems Analysis & Integration Laboratory; NASA George C. Marshall Space Flight Center, as a reason for after-hours gathering for liquid refreshments, the Bio-Astronautics Research Foundation (BARF) suddenly fell out on the table, being well received by all who assessed its possibilities.
The question was whether a meeting could be started that never ended, but took two-week breaks every two hours. What would such a meeting be about? Looking around, the group realized that most had been trained for human factors simulation per request of Center Director, Dr. Wernher von Braun and under the auspices of Stanley Johns and, later, J. R. Thompson (of Shuttle Engine fame).
Most of the branch members had been trained in scuba, to simulate three-dimensional space mission crew activities for extended time. Additionally, most had experienced high altitude chamber training and were certified to fly on the USAF KC-135 Zero-G aircraft out of Wright Patterson AFB, performing zero-gravity (zero-G) Keplerian parabolic flight maneuvers to simulate pure weightlessness. Most were trained to wear space suits in order to further space-like simulations. This was to determine what the space environment would do to humans for extended micro-gravity exposure. We were learning what the human could or could not do in zero-G; what was safe and what was a “no-no.” We were working on the Skylab space station design development and were having incredible careers with excitement every day. And this very smart and creative group had become extremely close, with regular family outings and parties.
So, it made sense to create some fun theme based on our daily experiences and “can-do” attitude. Hence, the Bio-Astronautics Research Foundation was formed as we headed out for an evening beer. We needed something to call ourselves to separate us from the rest of the mundane world. Hence, the creation of the Bio-Astronautics Research Foundation Bonafide Authoritative Gainsayer (BARF BAG). This title was limited to only those who had scuba training and who had successfully flown the Zero-G Aircraft.
Realizing that some framework and formality would be useful, Harry Watters quickly knocked out a logo depicting an out-of-control human with the water bubbles above and clouds below, and the mascot, Ralph Bolus, was created. Organizational colors were established around the realization that zero-G aircraft parabolas could produce the worst in anyone, hence the favored colors of Brown, Yellow, and Green. Something was needed to hold adult beverages, so a most interesting mug (with several versions) was created depicting the logo. And a certificate was appropriate.
Next, it was decided that someone had to be in charge of the forever ongoing meeting. So, positions were created. The BARF Master should lead the evening activities. That role was assigned to Harry Watters, who initiated the concept. The Vomitus (vice-BARF Master) was assigned to Brian Nelson, with Charles “Chuck” Lewis as the Emetic. Needing a public affairs and event scheduler, Jack Stokes was assigned the role of BARF Caster. Needing another position, Dick Heckman became the E-Missionary.
Missing was a BARF Mistress for meeting oversight. That role initially went to Inge Kuberg, but after Inge married, it was granted to any young lady who might want to join us for an evening. After much thought and contemplation, it was decided that we needed national recognition, and recognizing the importance of feminine participation it was deemed appropriate to invite the most notorious woman of the time, the incredible Phyllis Diller. Surprisingly, she accepted the honor and continues to rule today, now from a spiritual position, on the meeting that never ends.
The word quickly spread about this incredible, thriving organization, and other people wanted their own version or branch of BARF. So, chapters, named Bags, were created at Houston – the Johnson Space Center, as Bravo Bag (Bruce McCandless – BARF Master), Washington, DC, La Fayette, Indiana (Denny Pegden – BARF Master), New York City, NY (Jules Bergman – BARF Master); Grumman Bethpage -Foxtrot Bag (Lou Pritchett – BARF Master) “covering all of “Lon Gisland and all rocks, shoals and territories within the three-mile limit”; Auburn, AL; and Heidelberg, Germany. We became BARF International with the establishment of a BARF BAG in Heidelberg, as a very nice young lady in the bar that night was from Heidelberg and became an honorary member that very evening. And everything continues as planned, as the goal of the meeting to never stop but also doing nothing proved to be a giant attraction. An elderly gentleman, Bill Barnes, who raced sports cars in the Sports Car Club of America (SCCA), impressed with BARF and all that It stood for, requested to carry the BARF colors and volunteered to rename his elderly 1958 Lola Mk. I sports car as the “BARFMOBILE.”
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
The basic accomplishment of BARF was to create an aura of something by doing nothing. It’s motto: “Do nothing; but do it well!” has been maintained throughout the active life of BARF.
BARF was ALMOST able to get a patch or decal aboard the Skylab space station. Unfortunately, it was taken off at the last moment due to weight restrictions.
BARF almost had a successful sports car racing career; unfortunately, in great BARF tradition, the car burned to the ground during a National Championship race at Road Atlanta – on the back stretch with no support fire extinguishers in the area.
ARTIFACTS
Emblem:
Phyllis Diller Correspondence:
BARF Mug:
BARF HISTORICAL NOTES (transcribed from original notes for clarity):
(Oct. 22, 1968) “BARF Master, BARF Mistress, Bravo Bag BARF Master, BARF Bags, BARF Brothers, and Honored Guests (???). Today marks our first meeting since the achievement of a significant event in the annals of BARFdom. Within the time since our last refreshment period here in our illustrious surroundings, our own noble BARF Master (God bless his broken bag) has exposed his own glorious self to the rigors of simulated space flight in the Vomit Comet. Although he had previously experienced the orgasm of weightlessness in E-missionary’s Cessna, on the 22nd day of October in the year of Ralph Bolus One thousand nine hundred and sixty eight (10/22/1968) aboard the K-Bird, BARF Master Watters poured forth with a mighty spirit the best within him and exemplified all the ideals of BARFdom. He showed his magnificent colors – Green – Yellow – Brown – and also honored all aboard with olfactorous emissions akin to breath of our own Ralph Bolus through the split in his broken brown bag.
Therefore, for the reasons thrown up herewith, I wish the Sacred Day, 22 October, 1968 proclaimed “Day of the Royal Upchuck” and honored henceforth by all the loyal subjects of BARFdom…… “
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(Dec. __, 1968) (Sung to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)
“See them defecate
While in Zero-G
It takes a dam good man
To crap while others see.
But Bob and Mike and Bob
Were equal to the Task
And on the date They’ll demonstrate
If you will simply ask. Oh….. (not completed)”
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“We wish to thank you for your interest in our program. If you should ever find (yourself) in our area, please stop by. We are truly interested in your song, and would like to discuss it further.
X
H. H. Watters
Alpha Bag
BioAstronautics Research Foundation
Huntsville, Alabama”
