Compiled by Fred Applegate
For use on Spacelab pallet missions, the Instrument Pointing System (IPS) was developed by the European Space Agency (ESA), headquartered in Noordwijk, the Netherlands. The prime contractor was Dornier in Friedrichshafen, Germany. For the first Critical Design Review (CDR-A), circa 1980, the Marshall Space Flight Center (MSFC) and other NASA centers sent a contingent of engineers to Noordwijk and, then, to Friedrichshafen to support the CDR-A, which was the major review for the IPS. The CDR-A activities and meetings resulted in very long, tiring days and lasted for a couple of weeks, at least. Keeping a sense of humor was helpful. Fred Applegate began collecting humorous quotes, as an aside. For those of us who were present, these quotes bring back memories of the places and the people who participated. – Gray Settle
IPS CDR-A Comments
(Compiled by Fred Applegate)
Noordwijk
“Nina, I’d like to be routed through Munich.”
– Uwe Heuter
“I want the best seats on the plane for me and my friends.”
– Gene Compton
“Software: 100% bullshit and 0% technical requirements.”
– Uwe Heuter
“I’m hungry for pizza, Everyone else votes for Marco Polo. Want to go?”
– R.E. Tinius
“Now what was that?”
– Vince Elentri
“I want a coupe dame blanche and I want my own chocolate pitcher.”
– Tinius to waitress
“Do we have a new board member?”
– F. Emiliani, in response to continuous diatribe from J. Graf
“I have a small disagreement. The Washington letter makes us not responsible for anything.”
– F. Emiliani
“Do you know what this damn Washington agreement is about?”
– Lohman to Moye
“We got a better deal than this in the SALT agreement.”
– Thoughts of J. Thomas while negotiating the SW verification plan
“If anybody touches my stack of sorted DN’s, I’ll kill ’em.”
– Bob Smith
“Ve haf gott to make it Vork !”
– Peter Wolfe
“The difference is EXACTLY the price of one glass of wine”
– Sassenheim waitress
“IPS performance will be equal to test results, possibly?”
– ESA
“Can you put me in touch with the remote driver’s license renewal department?”
– Heckman
“Confidentially…Did you come here to kill IPS?”
– Anonymous ESA person to NASA person.
“May I borrow your latest Aviation Weekly?”
– Gordon Bolton, leaving office for Preboard meeting
“Boy, it sure is sleepy in here.”
– Rock, Rigel, Gaskins, Hawley
“I think I’ve found another single failure point.”
– Bodmer, 2 A. M.
“We were here at 8:00 for J. Thomas’ meeting, but we didn’t know where to go.”
– JSC guys
“We started fighting so we quit.”
– Walt Fuqua ‘s assessment of DN team meeting
“I’m proud to say I was the designer of the drive unit!”
– Anonymous
“Bodmer , I’m glad you’re here; now I’m not the fattest team member.”
– Ray Lawrence
“Would somebody please slip a mickey to Emiliani.”
– McMillion
“We’ve screwed up the system so many times before, let’s don’t do it again.”
– Bob Pfeiffer
“Re-Double!”
– R.E. Tinius
“Where are the requirements? There are no requirements.”
– Heusman to Graf
“Where’s the car?”
– Compton, after consuming 1/4 case of wine
“They cut off our spurs and kept our boots.”
– Compton
Friedrichshafen
“Huh?”
– Walt Fuqua, in response to “Morgen” from breakfast waiter
“I lost my group.”
– Bodmer to Picker
“If you hear a noise in the background, it’s just me buckling my ski boots on.”
– R.E. Tinius, after 10 SW DN’s were dispositioned in 10 minutes on Friday P. M.
“It’s the chicken or the egg. You wind up biting yourself in the what-what.”
– J .Graf
“Sodern won’t fix it, even for money. “
– J. Graf
“You’re kidding! You mean his name is really Eggman?”
– R. Renai, as an aside, after meeting Heckman
“I think I’m beginning to understand him.”
– Bodmer, after 8th bottle of wine, while listening to German-speaking wine tasting lecturer
“I’ve never felt better in my life!”
– Bodmer, walking backwards, after leaving wine-tasting lecture
“I went to the phone and when I came back everyone was gone.”
– Bodmer, talking about his team meeting
“IPS is a low cost, rubbish program.”
– Dr. Leiss
“If we get out of the capture range, we are excluded to be responsible.”
– MBB
“IPS EGSE application program schedule configuration is a load of shit.”
– Ray Brough
“All this crap is hidden under this bullet.”
– H. Schweitzer
“If we don’t have the measurements, we don’t consider them.”
– Ricken
“Want to go for a walk in Austria on Sunday? It’s all flat and there will be no snow.”
– H.Heusman
“Nowhere does the contract say that the design must work.”
– Ricken
“To update the document is considered design optimization, which I’m sorry is not allowed.”
– Ricken
“The IPS has no LRU’s.”
– Dr. Hammesfahr
“Would Mr. Bodmer please come to the front of the plane? We have a message for you.”
– Invitation to Bodmer to stay over 3 more weeks
